Golden Discoveries of Draconity

Sivaan of Candlekeep

March 2nd, 2024

I

Understanding My Draconity

I had a series of dreams a while ago. It was different from the others that I’ve had in my life. I don't typically have dreams that I can make sense of. Sometimes, they are relatively hard for me to trace. Sometimes, I dream of things like media I enjoy, my passions or my loved ones within this world, but never of myself, specifically how I exist outside of this human body.

Before I go into detail, it’s important that I establish the proper context behind why I may have had these dreams. Within the past year, I have been researching a variety of draconic species, seeing which best describes myself. During October 2022, I awakened as someone who is Otherkin. I had questioned it before in my teenage years, but did not fully realize and accept myself until I was well into my years in college. Throughout the year of 2023, I spent a lot of time trying to understand how exactly I was Otherkin. One of the species that I knew I belonged to for sure was draconic. I had no doubts that I was a dragon.

That being said, I am a thorough individual. If I don’t pinpoint the specificity of who I am, I am restless with myself. Later in the year of 2023, I researched and used some species of dragon that felt close to who I was. I used these species as placeholders until I knew for sure. These placeholder species were aesthetically related to me in some ways but did not represent me in totality. From the Obelisk Dragons and Gaoler Dragons of Sornieth to the Sandwings within the Kingdom of Sand, these are a few species that I’ve looked towards as possible ties to my draconity. It wasn’t until recently when I decided to research the draconic races of Dungeons and Dragons in which I had a breakthrough. In hindsight, it felt so obvious considering my own connection with Dungeons and Dragons. I have always felt at home with it as a player, as a storyteller and as a fan of the fantasy genre in general. Everything about Fâerun felt so familiar, especially anything surrounding the Sword Coast. I wrote it off as something that is typical of your average fantasy setting, but in the long run, I realized it was because I belonged there. I will return to that in a moment. For now, I’ll gravitate back to my discovery of species.

Please note that when I list the qualities of dragons in Dungeons and Dragons, that is based on their documentation within Faerûn and encounters that are featured within the game itself. This, of course, is not applicable to every member of these respective communities. Additionally, you don’t need to be an exact model of what your species is said to be. Some individuals may look into these traits as an indicator of their species based on values, practices, personality traits, etc, but that is not the case for everyone. I feel that this disclaimer is significant for any dragons who are reading this and are in a similar spot as I had been.

As of now, many friends, loved ones and acquaintances know that I am a gold dragon of Fâerunian origin. However, before I shared the news of my true species, I examined every possible species of dragon within Dungeons and Dragons for answers. Only a few species were kept note of: Astral Dragons, Yellow Dragons, Gold Dragons, Steel Dragons and Obsidian Dragons. I had the potential of being any of the species listed. Some had the vaguest connection, and some felt deeply familiar as Fâerun did. From there, I decided to look extensively into them, their cultures and their backgrounds to further understand what I might be.

For those I had narrowed down, Astral Dragons and Yellow Dragons were the least likely to be my species. They each came from vastly different backgrounds. Astral Dragons were Planar Dragons, while Yellow Dragons were Chromatic Dragons. Those specifics did not bother me, but I did realize that I hit a dead end with these two for other reasons. While the appearances of both could have been relative to me, both felt off behaviorally and culturally. It was the same feeling I got with Obelisks and Sandwings; the looks were there in parts, but the connection I sought had yet to be realized. In retrospect, it was probably because they were visually similar to Gold Dragons. Even so, they were distinct enough to not click in the right place.

That left me with three other potential species. Two of which, Gold and Steel Dragons, were classified as Metallic Dragons. Obsidian Dragons were classified as Gem Dragons. Looking back, I didn’t care so much about the classification of my species. Chromatic, Metallic, Gem, Planar… we are all dragons, regardless. I suppose that’s why it didn’t jump out at me when I was trying to piece together my draconity. That still meant that I had three more species to look into before I came to a conclusion.

First was the species of Gem Dragons, Obsidian Dragons. Obsidian Dragons were said to be the most intelligent of their kind. From birth, they begin with distinct, rugged gray scales that eventually become a deep, lustrous black color as they reach adulthood hence their name. I could not find many visual references for Obsidian Dragons outside of that, but I did find substantial information on the behavior and disposition of the species. Said to be arrogant, easily angered and sadistic, Obsidian Dragons were said to be quite dangerous to your average adventurer. Of course, these accounts were all logged by adventurers and their cohorts so I took that with a grain of salt. While there have been plenty of malevolent dragons in existence, you can say that about any group. In my opinion, that does not make them as a whole inherently evil beings.

That aside, the species had traits that were applicable to how I saw myself: an immunity to fire, a usage of fire as a breath weapon, a preference for mountainous environments and an affinity for knowledge. It was a promising start until I looked into the matters of the Metallic Dragons. Then, the possibility of me being an Obsidian Dragon fell right in line with the Astral Dragons and Yellow Dragons. It’s not that I thought the species didn’t apply to me in the ways I listed; it was because I found that the remaining two applied to me even more. Both Gold Dragons and Steel Dragons had qualities that I felt were much more close to my experience than any other draconic species I had researched before.

In the case of Gold Dragons, they were regarded to be the wisest and most powerful of Metallic Dragons. Personally, I don’t care about power factors as they matter little in the grand scheme of things; in this life, I am bound to the physical form of a human being so measurement of such power would be irrelevant in this case. Even when I am amongst other dragons, power is not of any major regard to me. It was everything else about Gold Dragons that excited me.

To begin, Gold Dragons were said to have the capability to shapeshift between humanoid and beastlike forms. They are not the only species to practice this, of course. For example, their peers, the Silver Dragons, were said to prefer the forms of humans and elves to blend in amongst the noble societies of Faerûn. That being said, it was not specified whether or not Gold Dragons have preferred forms. I found this interesting. In terms of my alterhumanity, I can assume many forms as a polymorph. I take the form of mythical, fictional and earthen creatures alike. Regardless, my preferred form has always been that of a dragon or a manticore, be it anthropomorphic or feral. This lack of preference may imply an array of diversity amongst Gold Dragons. Gold Dragons could be around me assuming all manners of forms. This was a possibility that attracted me quite a lot at the time.

That brings me to the next trait of interest: habitation. Ancient ruins, misty isles and lairs laid with stone are some of the most popular places for Gold Dragons to roost. This caused something within me to stir. I had always seen myself having the ruins of a civilization, an abandoned castle or a catacomb as my dwellings. These were ideal locations to preserve archaic treasures, artifacts and tomes, so learning these were typically preferred amongst Gold Dragons made me quite excited.

Smaller details on Gold Dragons were of great importance to my investigation as well. Breath weapons were examples that came to mind. Not all dragons have breath weapons, but many dragons do have some connection to elemental forces or breathing forms. Fire-breathing is assumed to be the most common of these forms, but it really just depends on the dragon in question. Part of me figured that there were going to be times where you don’t know everything just yet when it comes to your alterhumanity, but there can be times where you simply just know. This was one of them. Upon discovering my draconity, I knew that I was exclusively connected to fire and light as elements. With that in mind, I figured early on that I would be some kind of fire- or sun-oriented dragon. I learned within my research period that Gold Dragons were fire-breathers. It was the sole elemental breath weapon of the species. Naturally, you can imagine how this added to my excitement.

Additionally, I learned that Gold Dragons typically hoarded paintings, sculptures, tomes and other works of art as their favored treasures. This may not be the case with every Gold Dragon, but this being a common practice amongst the species felt like the cherry on top for a lack of better words. My own hoard largely consisted of books, both fiction and nonfiction, as well as other creative works. It brought me tremendous joy to have my hoarding habits be represented this way.

Even so, I still wanted to give a fair investigation into Steel Dragons. After all, my likelihood of being a Steel Dragon was not ruled out just yet. Despite having very few visual references of the species, I could tell that Steel Dragons were quite stellar. Although the species did not completely match how I felt towards my draconity, it did not discourage me. In fact, learning that Steel Dragons had catlike behaviors and builds was what first sparked my interest in the species. The most common form of nonhuman species I have within my experience are felines of some caliber. I am a manticore, a leonine beastman and a werecat within my otherkinity. As for my therianthropy, I am an Ethiopian lion, a smilodon cladotherian and a gryphon respectively. These are not all of my kintypes and theriotypes, but it made a lot of sense to me how this species could fall in line with my identity.

Similar to Gold Dragons, Steel Dragons had the ability to change shape as well. Species with this distinct ability held a lot of relevance in my investigation as you can probably tell by now. What set Steel Dragons apart from Gold Dragons, at least in terms of changing form, was the cultural practice of having a visual reference to one’s draconity while disguised. Whether in the form of a gray streak through one’s hair, a usage of gray eyes, or gray tattoos along one’s body, the execution of this practice varied case by case. Anything could be a small but telling mark of one’s draconity. Amongst Steel Dragons of the distant past, secrecy was preferred when disguised; in order to identify each other, the practice of hiding traits in plain sight was adopted. However, one would have to survey Steel Dragons of today to see if such discretion is still upheld within the community. I soon learned that this practice had extended beyond the Steel Dragon community and into other shapeshifting draconic cultures as well.

Stepping away from physicality, Steel Dragons are said to be well-versed in the avenues of culture, history, politics and human affairs. Proud patrons of the arts and the freedoms of all living creatures, this side of the Steel Dragons also felt close to home. While Gold Dragons did have a bit of background on being the draconic community’s foremost historians and linguists, I have always been interested in both academic and artistic pursuits in life, so the practices of the Steel Dragons fell right in line with my own. Culturally speaking, many Steel Dragons of Faerûn preferred to explore and live amongst human society over draconic society. The ability to shapeshift between their draconic and humanoid forms was likely utilized for this purpose, although each dragon had the capacity to deviate from these social norms. I also learned that Steel Dragons culturally had no qualms with deviation from any social norms, even their own. In fact, anti-authoritarianism had been common amongst Steel Dragons. Often juxtaposing themselves from other species of Metallic Dragons, early Steel Dragons and their distaste for authority were documented for quite some time. One such case being their aid in quests. Some Steel Dragons extended their support to adventurers who sought to dismantle systems of abusive power rather than aid those who abused said power.

Who wouldn’t be proud of a legacy like that?

As for smaller details, I can say that the information on Gold Dragons had more impact on me than that of the Steel Dragons. One trait I did not particularly connect to was the breath weapon. Breath weapons vary from dragon to dragon when it comes to importance within one’s identity. For me, it is very important. Steel Dragons exclusively use acid and poisonous gas as breath weapons. Don’t get me wrong: that’s fucking awesome. Not everybody can say they are a beast born of steel, one who emits toxins and acids of mythic proportions. It’s just not me. I know that my elemental connections are fire and light. Simple as.

Moving forward, another bump in the road was the hoarding culture. While this is not definitive of all Steel Dragons, I did not connect with the hoarding practice of collecting businesses or properties whatsoever. I am not one to police another dragon’s hoard, but make no mistake, I am no business beast either. I am not too fond of the idea of hoarding servants either, which was another common method of hoarding amongst Steel Dragons. Works of art, antiquities and books were well within my hoarding practice, so luckily not everything I learned on Steel Dragon hoardings was a total turn-off to me.

I decided that within the following week, I would continue my research into both species of dragons. I knew it would take time for me to really digest which one truly felt like me, if I even wound up awakening as one, or even both, of these specific species. It was up to fate, really. To my surprise, I didn’t realize how soon that would come.

II

Understanding My Faerûnian Roots

That finally brings me to the topic of the discussion. It was around this time that I had narrowed down my investigation to just Gold and Steel Dragons. The dreams that occurred for me happened within early February 2024. What I thought was just one strange dream became a recurring experience. These dreams occurred on the following nights: February 11th, February 13th and February 15th. On February 11th, I had come home from work, showered, ate and awaited for a remote D&D session that would ultimately get canceled due to scheduling conflicts. No sweat. I could just chill, hop on Discord with my partner and go to bed early for the night. Eventually, the time came for me to get some rest. Bare with me as I recall each sequence as best I can.

The First Dream:

I was in a damp, dark cellar of sorts. I wasn’t imprisoned or anything like that; it was as if I had been stationed there and fell asleep unexpectedly. That wasn’t out of character for me in real life since I tend to work the hell out of myself and pass out once my responsibilities are out of the way. Anyway, I had woken up on a cold, cobblestone floor. I realized I wasn’t wearing any clothes; more importantly, I wasn’t in the human body I occupy. I was in a dragon’s body. I was in MY body. My first instinct was to look at my hands and feet. I could feel my neck extend downwards nice and far to inspect myself. Paws that shone like smelted gold entered my view. Their golden brown talons curved into a satisfyingly sharp crescent shape from what used to be my fingertips. I extended my neck lower to see a thick, golden tail swaying gently like a spring breeze behind me. It was layered with fin-like folds of skin that opened and closed like the maw of a venus flytrap. I was so entranced by what I saw that I didn’t stop and notice the long, wispy whiskers hanging from my lips. Looking back, I would say they look closer to how a catfish’s whiskers appear. As I examined myself in awe, a low, echoing voice grumbled in my direction.

“I was wondering when you’d come,” the voice said.

It had startled me. Upon hearing it, I felt something heavy shoot out from my back in response. For a moment, I backed away towards the wall behind me. Before me stood a golden dragon of a much lower, much older stature.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know how to manage your own wings at this age!” He fussed.

I reared my head around and saw what he meant. Massive, velvety wings were sprawled out against the wall. I remember how uncomfortable it felt for the top portion of my wings to be folded over because of the low ceiling. I hadn’t realized just how big I was in this space until then. I was much larger than the dragon before me, and I was surely too large for such limited confinements.

Where was I?

What was I doing here?

He asked if I was the one named Solomon. I told him that was in fact me. This was before the point when I established Sivaan and Auryn as my draconic names. He nodded in understanding, then proceeded to inspect my frame. I tried to ask him who he was, but he did not give an answer. He only looked at me keenly and asked that I follow him. I wasn’t aware of it at first, but he knew of my struggle. He knew that it was not any choice of mine to be in this position. He knew it would be difficult for me since I had become so adjusted to exclusively operating in a human body. The dragon then offered to use his abilities to adjust the space for me. I agreed to it and felt relieved as the space grew in size. Once that was settled, I followed him. I still did not have a name yet for this strange dragon nor did he carry any distinct features that could’ve helped me recognize him. The most that stood out to me was his frame. He was significantly shorter than me, perhaps a bit frail as well.

He asked me a simple question: “Do you know why you are here?”

I told him that I wanted to understand what kind of dragon I was, so I figured whatever was happening had to be in relation to that. I forgot exactly what he said after that since his voice grew distant, but I do remember that he told me something along the lines of me not needing to understand. I didn’t get why he thought this way, but looking back, I think he was basically trying to tell me that a dragon can be anyone and anything. There was no need to put all this pressure on myself in figuring it out. Either that, or I already know who I am. That alone was enough.

We had arrived at a vast, empty room. A sweet aroma smell wafted through the area. Our location seemed barren, so I doubt there was any food nearby. All that was left from what I saw was a hefty supply of gems, but I could tell the pile itself was dwindling. Little did I know at the time, the gems were the food that I was smelling. Regardless, my theory at that moment was someone must have been there for something important and likely left the gems as a part of a deal with the dragon who stood before me. It was at this point in my dream where I noticed he was carrying a strange staff in his tail. He placed the staff alongside the gem pile, then turned to me. He invited me to sit with him. Once I got comfortable, I asked him who he was and what I was doing here with him. The dragon told me that he was a distant ancestor of mine. Somewhere across an infinite expanse of planes, I had been separated from my place in Faerûn and was brought into the world that I inhabit now. Originally, I had been brought up in the underground of Waterdeep. Unbeknownst to my ancestor’s benefactors, he had been raising me in the Vault of Dragons until I was eventually torn from our world. For years, he did what he could to try and find me. He understood in time that he himself could not awaken me, but I had to have an awakening invoked by myself. Soon, I would return home. He would just have to wake until that awakening happened. Funny enough, it happened as I slept in this world.

Being given this information felt so strange. I am not sure if it is common to have a spiritual link to another world, let alone one that was in relation to you. Having a spiritual nonhuman ancestor of sorts was such a foreign concept to me, but in retrospect, spiritual experiences are complex by nature. I had little to worry about if mine was a little unorthodox.

The last of what I remember was us talking for hours. For the most part, he wanted to hear about what my life was like on Earth. He was impressed with my developments so far. He listened intently on my progress as an academic and my experiences leading up to adulthood. I think the most interesting conversation we had was on the topic of my partner. Keep in mind, this was before my partner came forward to me about being a siren. I was under the same assumption as my ancestor that my partner was a human before her awakening occurred. I reference this as a past mindset, not how I currently view my partner. At that point in time, he was curious about my romantic relationship with a human. I told him that we each connected with each other through our shared passion for the arts, sense of humor and convictions. I was initially very wary of telling her that I was not a human, psychologically and spiritually, but she was very understanding about it. He told me that he saw all manners of couples in his lifetime, so it bothered him none. He wished me well on our relationship. That was the end of my first dream.

Before I had my second dream, I spent the day prior trying to find out who this dragon was within Faerûn. I had been so caught up in my conversation with him that I never stopped and asked for his name specifically. I could have ruled him out as a figment of my imagination or the beginning of a string of delusions, but I wanted to at least see if there had been any clues to who he was before I entertained either of those possibilities. I pulled up the wiki page for Gold Dragons once again, searching through each known figure from the region. All I knew was that I was looking for a gold dragon in a cellar or catacomb of sorts.

Eventually, I came across the page of a dragon by the name of Aurinax. While it seemed that he hardly wielded his staff when in dragon form, he seemed to be the dragon I was looking for. Aurinax had been the legendary guardian of the Vault of Dragons. Mountains of riches had been under his vigilance after brokering a deal with Dagult Neverember, a prominent politician who, despite his once charming and lawful disposition, eventually became consumed by his political ambition. What had perturbed me about this was that Aurinax allegedly took no issue with guarding the sudden cache of treasure that Neverember had, despite knowing that most, if not all, of it had been stolen from Waterdeep. It was to my understanding that the Vault of Dragons held riches that were originally supposed to support the people of Waterdeep.

Needless to say, if I ever did meet with Aurinax again, I had my questions.

The Second Dream:

I was in a vast, stoned structure of sorts. I was no longer uncomfortable with my surroundings. In fact, I had quite liked the feeling of roaming an abandoned, ancient site; I had always dreamed of a place like this being my stomping grounds. For the time being, I had poked my snout at shelves lined with tomes old and new within a room different from the last one. I sat on my hind legs while running my claws across each row, inspecting the faded titles of books before me. In the crevices of these shelves, I could see yellowed scrolls bound and stacked atop of each other.

Do you know that scene in Beauty and the Beast where Belle enters the Beast’s library for the first time? The room looked somewhat like that but had a much older quality to it in comparison. I could fly up to the higher shelves if I wanted, but I decided to stay on the ground and look into what the space had to offer before I traveled upwards.

I heard the clacking of talons on the cobblestone as I browsed. As the figure approached, I recognized a scent from before. It was a distinctly metallic scent like the scent of coins, but a few aromatic notes in between like that of those gems. I knew then that Aurinax was approaching me. I suppose he got that way after all those years of guarding stolen treasure. My scent was much different. From what I picked up, it was a heavy, smoky fragrance like hickory or charcoal. It was unexpected but I liked it.

“You did say you were always the reader,” Aurinax said with a soft, almost nostalgic tone. “I hope what you find is a bit more to your liking than the earthen world.”

I can’t remember what specific tomes I had picked out while I was there, but I did express that some of the tomes in my possession were nothing short of fascinating. I was a little embarrassed that I couldn’t read any of the tomes in Draconic. At least, not yet anyway.I could only read what was in Common since it was close to Old English in structure. Aurinax assured me that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. I had a far more complex journey than most dragons he had met in his lifetime. To my benefit, there are plenty of dragons both in Faerûn and beyond who knew what it was like. He was just glad that I met some along the way.

It was comforting, to say the least. That being said, I didn’t forget what I originally wanted to ask him. I asked him if he was the one called Aurinax, the individual who guarded the Vault of Dragons and now wields the dragonstaff of Ahghairon. He confirmed my suspicions. He told me that he could sense some unease in me and asked why that was the case. I’m not the kind to beat around the bush, so I asked him flat-out why he decided to work for a politician who stole from his people. His face then softened. He expressed that I had every right to be upset with him for said decision. While he no longer sees value in excessive material wealth, that did not mean that he wasn’t still blinded by avaricious goals of his own when he worked with Neverember. He longed for that staff because he knew that he was the only one who could possess it in good faith. With it, he took upon a dwarven form to hide amongst those who sought the treasure and would eventually return to the vault in his true form. After all those years of waiting, however, Neverember never came to reclaim those stolen riches. He spent all that time guarding that cache while wallowing in his own regret.

Aurinax urged that if I did not extend grace to him for his past behavior, then he understood and accepted that. He urged that I never sacrifice my good conscience and integrity for someone like Neverember. Above all else, he never wanted for me to make his mistakes. I assured him that I’d rather declaw myself than let that happen, which earned a small chuckle out of him. He continued by saying he eventually bartered with a traveling band of adventurers and gave Neverember’s pilfered assets to them under one condition: they were to split the assets between themselves and the people of Waterdeep. Aurinax wanted nothing except his staff. To ensure that the party gave a portion of these assets to the community, he tailed behind them in his form as the dwarven mage Barok Clanghammer. The party fulfilled their promise by using half of these assets to fund local businesses, arts communities and communal efforts for impoverished and/or orphaned children in Waterdeep. With the other half of Neverember’s treasure, the party split it amongst themselves as ordered. Once that was settled, Aurinax left the vault for good and journeyed back to Dragon Tower. Before guarding the vault, he placed a protective spell on my body so that no one venturing within the tower would detect me and disturb my body. It made me wonder just how long my body had been without my soul.

I respected Aurinax’s honesty on the matter. I expressed that while I don’t respect what he did whatsoever, I am glad that he did what he could in having that party give back to Waterdeep. I personally would have just announced Neverember’s deeds to the public and would distribute the contents of the vault to those in need after the fact. He deemed it a messy approach, but I didn’t really care. The people deserved to know. He expressed it was less about people deserving to know, and more about my position as a dragon. There would be no telling how they would treat me and my brazen behavior against one of their most beloved political figures. I argued that made the matter even more important. Waterdeep wasn’t any different from the cities I’ve lived in on Earth. Politicians being underhanded was a universal constant as far as I was concerned. Aurinax didn’t deny this reality, but he expressed once again that I shouldn’t make hasty decisions like that. That’s how he wound up in his situation with Neverember. It may seem like a good idea, but that doesn’t mean it was one. I puffed out some smoke in annoyance and decided to leave the subject alone for my mentality.

Never imagined I’d have to go back and forth with oldheads in Faerûn too, yet there I was.

I asked him if Dragon Tower was where we were now. He confirmed my suspicion and offered to show the rest of the tower to me once I had my tomes squared away. I took up his offer and journeyed with him as soon as I finished browsing. We spent the rest of our day exploring the labyrinth of rooms that the tower had to offer, such as its cellars and a lair to a mage who originally owned Dragon Tower. Aurinax expressed that the mage was the mentor to another mage, one who had been acquaintances of his some centuries ago. This acquaintance of his eventually took ownership of the tower once his mentor died, but eventually he died at the hands of some adventurers for his misdeeds across Waterdeep. This had been another shady individual in his past he was not particularly fond of now, especially since he was not aware of this one’s misdeeds unlike with Neverember. The elder dragon seemed to have a few skeletons in his closet but seemed relieved to have the space to let it off of his chest. Apparently, I was not the first individual he had opened up to about his past but I was the first of his direct kin to know of it. I didn’t hold it against him. As long as he was accountable for his actions, worked to better himself, and helped reparate the people of Waterdeep, his past was exactly that. The past.

I think my favorite memory from our tour of Dragon Tower was its highest floor. There was an open passageway within the maw of the top floor that allowed that mage to fly in and out of the tower whenever he rode on the back of a dragon. It was unbeknownst to me and Aurinax whether or not dragons themselves were able to freely use it as they pleased. It took a lot of convincing, but I encouraged Aurinax to fly out of the Dragon Tower’s maw with me. If I were to wake up soon, I wanted to share something with him. He offered to go first to give me an example of how to properly prepare for flight. He straightened his back, stepped back a few steps and charged forward into the opening of the tower. He flapped his wings with pure might, making sure they adjusted to his body weight and were able to carry him out. I watched Aurinax soar gracefully out of the maw and out of my sight.

It was my turn.

Even at my grown age, I felt like a wymling. I tried copying his movements before he took flight. I stepped backwards, perhaps a bit too far back. I wanted to be absolutely sure that I had enough space to prepare for my charge. I gave my limbs and wings a good stretch before I advanced to the maw like Aurinax. I was scared, unfathomably scared.

I had never actually tried to fly by myself before. I had always dreamed of being able to do it, to actually fan out my wings and take off. The problem was: I was always tied to a human's body, thus I never had the means to fly by myself. To do so at that point was pretty nerve-racking, to say the least.

What if I fall?

What if my wing gets caught in the maw and damaged as a result?

What if I wake up before having this moment with Aurinax?

So many questions raced in my head, but I didn’t have the time to stop and ponder on any of them. I just had to get up and go. I forced my head forward in the charge and felt that same heavy feeling shoot out from my back. I did my best to get my wings to flap like Aurinax’s; it was anything but graceful, though. Once I finally leapt from the maw of the tower, I felt my head hit the roof of the entrance. There it was, my first mistake. The pain quickly rushed to my head. I tried to shake it off, but I could tell Aurinax saw my blunder. Hell, I was lucky that I didn’t trip over my own paws and fall hundreds of feet in the air.

When my eyes adjusted, I realized my environment was lopsided. I had been flying sideways!

Aurinax came up from below me and tucked himself under my lowered wing, balancing me out with his own body. To need flight support at this age… how embarrassing.

“You’ve got mettle. I will give you that,” he chuckled. “… but you’ve got a ways to go, little wing.”

Little?!

I was twice his size! Granted, he was likely speaking in reference to my age and lack of flight experience.

We spent a couple of hours doing flight practice. For now, I have the basics down but I still need to polish up my preparation and steering. I remember spending some of that extra time doing some gliding in the clouds. I had never been so happy before. The airy texture of the clouds dancing along my scales felt amazing. The day had been pretty cloudy in general, so I could still enjoy the warmth of the sun rays without feeling like I was being scorched alive. I watched as Aurinax made intricate patterns in the layers of clouds above me. I wanted to do the same, but I knew that was a long way ahead of me. At that point, I was just happy to be there.

The Third Dream:

My third dream was probably the shortest of them all. It felt like it faded in and out of my conscience as I slept, so I will try to recollect my memories of it as best as I can. For this dream, we weren’t in our dragon forms as we usually were. Aurinax and I had been in the quiet corner of a tavern after hours. I noticed that was in my usual human body this time while wearing similar robes as Aurinax; the difference was mine were black lined with gold and his were completely brown. This was my first time seeing Aurinax’s non-draconic form in person. He had been a brown-skinned dwarven man with a long, coarse beard. It seemed to be a yellowish-white color in the light. Those who play Dungeons and Dragons in this world may recognize him as Barok Clanghammer in this form. I noticed that my own dreadlocks had a different color to them as well; instead of the honeyed brown tips I had dyed them, they were a warm golden color. It was not a bright yellow hue like Aurinax’s. It was similar to the color of my scales in my draconic form. I had realized we had both changed shape to blend in.

Aurinax talked to me about how much of a natural I was at shapeshifting. My only setback is that it seemed to be hard for me to adjust to new forms each time I changed. That checked out since it took me a moment to really become accustomed to my human size again. I told Aurinax that having more than one form is something I used to struggle with accepting; now, it is something of great pride to me. He was tickled by my passion for the subject. Regardless, small talk was not the reason why we were at the tavern. He let me get myself settled, have some food and drink before he got to the meat of the conversation. He wanted to meet me in this form so he would have an idea of what I would look like in the world I live in now. Perhaps, by some cosmic means, he could observe me here and then and touch base with me on occasion. After all, it wasn’t a given that we would meet like this again. I hated the idea of never seeing him again. I could always interact with fiction made about him, but it wouldn’t be the same in the slightest.

If this were to be our final meeting, I wanted to know what Aurinax thought of me so I asked him. As I expected, he thought I was unexpectedly brazen for someone who carries himself in such an introverted manner. Between my thoughts on the vault and my first flight attempt, he knew I would be as hot-blooded as any young, newly discovered dragon, but he saw that as a testament to my character. While he wasn’t particularly fond of my lack of discretion, he did respect my conviction. He respected my dedication to the things I loved as well. He could tell from each of our conversations and each of the tomes I collected that I had an appreciation for scholarship no matter what form I took. Most importantly, I was still young and had a life rich with experiences ahead of me. If there was anything I should be doing, I should go out and make that life mine. Live freely. Go out and soar. Help with an adventure or two if I’m feeling bold. Just keep living no matter what. I was touched by his sentiments.

He then asked what I thought of him, but I could feel the dream fading in and out again. It made me anxious for a moment. I wanted to tell him that despite his transgressions, I admired him for his honesty and his dedication to becoming a better man. I wanted to tell him that although we were generations and even worlds apart, he was my family. It was bizarre that he had become so close to me, almost like that of a grandfather, in a matter of a few nights. The last I remembered from that dream was a warm, wrinkled smile. For a moment, I could have sworn I saw a golden gleam in his eyes; it was the eyes he had in his draconic form. I took a deep breath and smiled back. I accepted that our time together was coming to a close. Even now, I feel like Aurinax knew how I felt without me having to say it. He knew how much I had come to appreciate his spontaneous company and his guidance. He knew I saw a beloved elder in him. He helped me on my way to understanding who I am, but ultimately, it was up to me to put the pieces together.

III

Closing Statements

So, that begged the last few questions on my draconity:

Was I a Gold Dragon?

Was I a Steel Dragon?

If I were the latter, then perhaps I would have awoken to the voice of Razylymingeir or Steelheart. Perhaps, if I were some culmination of the two, I wouldn’t have awoken to anyone at all but a reflection of myself.

On the 17th of February, I shared all of the information that I found on Gold Dragons with my friend Cain’s alterhumanity server on Discord. I expressed that I was very likely a Gold Dragon and wanted to take on an additional name because of it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but what I was trying to establish was a draconic name of my own. I wanted to name myself in honor of Aurinax, to take him with me into the world beyond my dreams. Part of me also wanted to establish this name through Draconic language, or at least Draconic language that is used in Dungeons and Dragons. The draconic name that I first chose was Ariaurixixen, which roughly translates to "my gold fire", "my golden fire" or "my golden flame" in D&D Draconic. For a shortened version, I settled on the name Auryn which had a modern flair to it while having its inspirations incorporated within it. I would go on to establish another draconic name that would better reflect me as an individual, not just as a spiritual homage. This name is what you may know now as Sivaasonikaan, or "beast of wisdom" in Tamriel Draconic. With Sivaan as the shortened version of it, it would go on to be my primary draconic name. I decided to go with the draconic language of The Elder Scrolls since Tamriel is another hearthome of mine, much like Faerûn.

I use Sivaan interchangeably with the name Solomon, which I chose for myself upon transitioning. I plan on taking both when I can finally secure a legal name change in this world but until then, I am happy when referred to as both. I am always happy when I am one with myself. I can only hope as I archive these writings that they inspire others to be one with themselves too.

For anyone who is questioning their draconity, I hope that my experiences have allowed you a space to ease your worries. If not, I hope they at least have given you the joy of hearing from another alterhuman. Whether or not you are a dragon yourself, may you always be found.